Divorce... is it necessary??

I want to bring up this topic since I have been reading that divorce rates are going high these days and it wasn't like that in early 2000's. Young women in the age group 25-30yrs are readily thinking about taking divorce. Why is that? Is it because they think they are earning equivalent to their husband, they are highly educated and they can take care of themselves?? Divorce more than anything is mental torture and life long repentance. But do you think everyone is thinking in that way?

Domestic disputes are something which were common even in 19th century. But the society values were too tight in those days and because of that very few proportion of the population opted for that. There were no legal rules but divorce mainly happened if either of them are not capable of bearing child or else if the torture to the girl is to the extent of taking her life. But what's happening these days. Ego clashes, hot temperament etc are felicitating this act.

In this fast pace life, we don't have time for ourselves. Everyday for a woman starts with cooking in the kitchen, preparing lunch boxes for herself, husband and children, going to work, stressful work environment where women and men are treated equally. They are also expected to have same skills like men do and also expected to give the same amount of time for work. No credit is given for her culinary skills. After an exhausting day, she comes home and prepares dinner for the family. Apart from that she needs to take care of laundry, children's homework and keeping home presentable. Do you think the expectation has increased a lot on women? Indian society is definitely biased towards men, every mother makes sure that her son is treated like a prince before marriage and king after that. If you tell your husband to help you in your daily chores than you are not a perfect wife in the eyes of your in laws. I hate this ideology that is propagating even in this century. In other countries where men and women are equally treated, men are also devoting their time for the family. But in India, this culture won't come since our mother in laws will feel offended if they see their son working in the kitchen.

So, coming back to the topic, so if women are equally competing with men everywhere then what's wrong if she opts for a divorce ? I personally feel that in any divorce case, the girls and the guys family members play a vital role. If a girl is feeling uncomfortable with any of her husband's behavior then her family tries to convince her that she is getting dominated by him. Also, if husband tries to adjust with his wife and tries to help her in the daily chores or something else he will be tagged as a 'Henpecked' husband. These days women are definitely becoming independent and they are free to think that they cannot waste their life with someone who is not going to understand her needs for the rest of her life. But I feel bad for the children, who would have just taken birth in their family and poor kids have to undergo this trauma. I just feel that in such cases the couple should definitely rethink for taking divorce since it is going to affect an innocent life. When they grew up with mom and dad, then don't you think it is their child's right to lead life in the same way?? Why are you trying to deprive him/her with either parent's love??

With this post I just want to request everyone that please hold on to some basic morals what our parents and ancestors have taught us. Taking divorce is not a fashion! Please take this decision very carefully if it is inevitable.

Silencing the Mind

Yoga is the latest, yet ancient keyword for relaxing and exercise. Yoga is a Sanskrit word that means physical, mental and spiritual discipline. Yoga originated from ancient India and is associated often with meditative practices in Hinduism, Buddhism and Jainism. Just as new operating system can make your old computer function effectively, yoga can also balance our body and meditation would alter the state of mind.

In our day to day life we encounter stress at every corner. We all want to get rid of stress and anxiety and we opt for all different methods to minimize stress. According to the yogic philosophy, our physical body is the projection of unconscious mind. This is the place where we store all the memories, dreams and experiences. We also store our stream of emotions like anger, happiness, fears and disappointments. The ideas and thoughts that receive most attention create the deepest channels of communication. These pathways also include creativity and healthy habits. As these stimuli are processed, the unconscious mind sends signal to our physical body. Depending on its interpretation, the body can relax and function smoothly or it works in the other way.

Yoga is an ancient practice that helps in creating a sense of union among our body, mind and soul. Exercising reduces stress but yoga is specially relaxing. It is often practiced in a dimly lit room with soft music, candles and incense. The environment provides a welcome respite from our overly loud, stimulating world. Studies have shown that yoga has greater benefits including flexibility, stress relief and more. The gentle, flowing movements of yoga increases flexibility. The breathing exercises increases lung capacity and improve oxygen exchange. Over the time yoga may also lower the blood pressure due to decreased stress. Many yoga postures improve our core strength. There have been some medical studies on positive effects of yoga and a growing number of doctors are recommending yoga into their patient's recovery program.

But sadly many people still feel that yoga is all about meditating and breathing exercises. For young people and gym lovers who think that they are flexible they can try for power yoga and ashtanga yoga to enhance their normal exercise experience. These styles keep yoga philosophy and focus on the poses in more aerobic fashion.

Yoga uses breath awareness for silencing the mind. Yoga teaches you how to concentrate on your breathing while holding onto the poses. This attention to breathing is calming, it dissolves stress and anxiety. Yoga meditation is an effective way to change our thinking, and it has to take place on a regular basis. Although having a specific time of the day is helpful for creating a positive habit but its not essential.

So, no matter how old or young you are, go and explore your limits with yoga !

Being the other woman

After four years, I felt like I died and was reborn in this world. It wasn't my first love. But it was a lonely road and heart breaking experience. It was my first affair with a married man, although accidental but it was definitely an addiction !

It was a decade ago when we first met - he was my friend since my college days. At that time he was part of my close friends group. We came close to each other during college parties but it didn't turn out into love. It was a mere attraction. Later, life took us on different paths and sent us to different countries. Throughout this time, we tried to maintain contacts through IM and social networking sites.

Things turned out in a different way for us and we happened to move back to India. But I stopped using social networking sites for few months and didn't know what life has in store for me!

I went to a hotel in Mumbai for a work function and I ran to catch an elevator. Hastily, I stepped on a handsome guy and hurted him. While apologizing I realized its HIMMMMMMM... Wow I felt so happy meeting him accidentally and I felt like the universe is embracing me. I told him that he was my secret crush during college days and I never told him that. We flirted with each other casually for few mins and then laughed on our silly behavior. He told me that he got married couple years back and I told him that I didn't marry yet since I was trying to recover from my previous relationship and focusing on my career for now. We connected instantly like never before !

After going to our rooms, we decided to meet tomorrow. Events moved rapidly for us - Lunch, dinner, shopping, outing and what not ! One day, he expressed his feelings for me and I was taken aback. I was unknowing having the no-strings-attached fun. Well he was bright, articulate and handsome guy, we knew about each other since college days. So, what's the problem if he wants to just have an extra marital affair with me. I didn't knew that he meant this seriously but this is how I started my journey as "being the other woman".

It was a physical longing that pulled me towards him without any warning. My wanting to be surrounded by him was instinctive. However, permanence was never discussed between us but soon I became emotionally attached to him. We communicated with each other almost everyday on phone, skype and email. We met regularly in the weekdays but not in the weekends. I felt like i finally found someone with whom I can be with. We started planning for me to join him in his successive business trips in other countries. Everything he did and said screamed "Love" !

Slowly my position in his life became as a "mistress" instead of "college friend". I began my frequent travels and started spending a fortune on that. Whenever he went alone on a business trip, I flew 16hrs-20hrs to just meet him. We shared many intimate and fun times together. There was a freshness in our relationship. However, the sad part is I learnt many other things in this relationship as well. I learnt performing stunts like jumping out of a hotel window or gate to avoid being seen by his colleagues. At certain times I couldn't call him even if i need him urgently. For instance when he is with his family I cannot call him or send him an email since his wife looks over his shoulder to see what email he gets. I have to spend all my holidays sitting alone at home since he needs to join his family. This drove me crazy. He missed many important moments of my life and I missed his.

But I finally got to attend his birthday one year and I had to pretend as his college friend. It was right then i witnessed the way he interacted with his wife - way he cared for her, introduced her with others and put his arm on her. All I did was crying inside my heart. I felt like somewhere down the road I am losing my identity. It was hard being the other woman, mentally and emotionally. Since in reality, he will not be in my life whenever I need him. I started dating other guys from my work and thought I could forget him in that way. But we still ended up being back together.

During 3rd year of our relationship, he spoke about getting divorce from his wife. I thought finally the things are moving for us. He spent most of the timeat my home. But little did I know that it was the beginning of the end. He found job in another city and initially he would make calls to me regularly and insisting me to get a job over there. But slowly the calls ceased and he blamed it on the signal problem of cellphone carrier company. I went to his city for attending job interviews and he met me in the hotel lobby. It was an unfamiliar place but he didn't even help me to search for an apartment or a house. His behavior was totally different.

Yes, I had become 'the other woman' in his life. There is no getting around. I didn't get the privilege of talking or meeting him whenever I wanted. After six months, I spoke to him about the inconsistent communication between us even though we are in the same city, he suggested for a temporary break up. But what if he never takes the divorce? What if I would wait for him forever? With these thoughts I felt like he stabbed a knife on my back and I feel the pain. He deserted me for his convenience and I thought I should not take this any more. So I left that place.

It has been a month now, since I grieved for the death of my relationship. This breakup gave me the chance to breathe and wake up.

Love and Romance

We all know the essence of love and the 'three letters I L U' in our life. Love is usually on a budding stage in the beginning and later it reaches the matured stage. I am somewhere in between these two boundaries. I didn't know the exact meaning of love until I met my man. He taught me the romantic love that exists between us today.

This happened just couple of years back when we first time met each other on an arranged marriage - date. On a fine Sunday morning I received a big email from a guy who got my email address from my Mother. This happened only after the initial horoscope matching and family screening which was done by our families. He wrote a very big email to me and his words and his thoughts were free flowing. He never mentioned in his email about how I look or what he feels about me. He wrote only about himself, his family, his principles towards the life etc. But one could easily make out that he was quite attached with his family. He is not only a caring and sensitive person but he is a bit emotional too. He somehow requested me to meet up for an official date. I was bit reluctant to meet someone directly without knowing any thing about him like his taste, his interests, I didn't even know how he talks. So, I replied to him saying that I want to talk to him on the phone and we can take it from there. Initial conversations were mostly formal stuff like what are we doing currently, what are our lifetime goals etc. We found some kind of connection between us and we hit it off!

After two weeks the big day was going to arrive. I was pretty tensed meeting a guy for the marriage alliance. We met on a dinner date evening at a fantastic restaurant. It had a decent candle light setting for people who were dating. We didnt' talk much while eating and we just decided to meet tomorrow. Next day we went out for doing some fun stuff that I liked. I live near by the ocean, so I asked if it was okay to go for Jet skiing. He didn't know swimming yet but he said he trusts me with that. I was shocked to hear that. Anyways, we did jet skiing and we strolled on the beach for the rest of the time. After the sunset we had a coffee date and right at that time he asked me if I could go for a dinner again! I was feeling comfortable now and I said okay no problem. After dinner when we were talking he suddenly said " I feel I am falling in love with you !" I was taken a back. My reaction was " Are you kidding me? you don't even know me much" He didn't speak after that but his eyes were talking now. " I think if you come into my life, it will lit up my entire life" By that time we had actually known enough about each other and we weren't just dating but we met each other with a purpose in our mind. I feel we don't really have to search for love, it just comes to us and fate gives us signals which we need to identify.

But I took some time to identify this signal. After second day he went back to his city and we got busy with our work and daily routine. He waited for me to call him first.

"Hi, are you busy?" I asked him.

"No, not really. What's up" he asked me.

" You said that you are falling in love with me, is this true or you were trying to impress me" I asked him.

He smiled and asked me " What do you think? I have known about you since last one month. I always have this feeling to keep on talking to you till the end of my life. I feel peace and tranquility in our relationship. You tell me what do you think is love?"

"Well, I think Love is something that happens between two individuals and that results into marriage."

"Not quite right. Love is a feeling of deep attachment and affection between two individuals. It is about liking a person even when he is in his worst mood. It is understanding a person and giving him unconditional support. I wanted to give you enough time to know me."

"I feel you can be a right partner to me. I know we met as an arranged marriage match but here I am proposing to you. Will you be my girlfriend first, fiancée next and wife later?"

"Hmm.. I don't know what to say" I was thinking for a minute.

"Can you say something, I am still on my knees" He said. It was right at that moment I fell in love with him too. I know it is dramatical but after knowing all this about him I knew that I was making a right decision in my life.

I said yes to him and things proceeded in our families and we got married within 4months of this incident. I am very lucky to find my love like this and hope to carry the same feelings throughout my life.

Facebook fanpage of Preeti Chenoy, author of Life is what you make it.

Blogadda's page http://blog.blogadda.com/2011/02/09/stages-of-love-blog-contest

Keys to a successful relationship

I am not a professional or an experienced person on this. But after completing one year of my marriage I can surely share some of the tips to you all on balancing a relationship. Successful relationships tend to be like a see-saw they go up and down and it takes efforts from both of them to keep it balanced.

Here are some simple things to know to make your relationship work.

1. Spend quality time together else the relationship won't survive. It is often seen that in a marriage, couple tends to spend more time together initially. Later on, they get occupied with the housework, kids, managing finances etc. This might lead to a disaster. Carve out at least half an hour where you spend time exclusively together.

2. Learn to compromise. It is very obvious that when two individuals start staying together then there would be some differences. It could be on a small things or big things. One should learn to compromise on few things that are extremely important for the other. But here is a thing, no one should feel that he/she is the only person compromising.

3. Keeping dependency and in-dependency. This point is true specially for females. They either tend to be very dependent on their partners or very independent. Either way is not good. Try to show your partner how much you need him, but don't cling to him and make him feel that you don't have self confidence.

4. Understand that punishing your partner doesn't work. It might help you in feeling better or superior but it will make them dig their heels more and they will wait for an opportunity to pounce back on you. Best thing is to ignore things which you don't like.

5. Divide your domestic work. If you don't then it causes friction between the two partners. Make a list of the domestic tasks and mobilize your family.

6. Observe keenly. It takes a long time and efforts from both the side to keep the relationship smooth. If you see your partner tired or argumentative then think about what he or she might be undergoing.

7. Hidden sentiments and feelings poison a relationship. Express your problem to your partner and make sure he is attentive towards it. If you hide your feelings and expect him to behave in a particular way then it becomes difficult.

8. Learn to put your words in front of him. It is generally observed in Indian women that they don't speak up instantly in front of their partner. They take their words in their heart and which might create a bigger impact to the relationship.

Hope these are useful to you !

Good friend Vs Best friend

I want to list out few differences between good friend and great friend. This post is ofcourse not mine but its a consolidation of my emails ;)

Good friend will console you when he rejects you.

Best friend will go and ask him "its because you are gay, isn't it?"

Good friend will help you to find your perfect prince.

Best friend will kidnap him and bring him to you.

Good friend will offer you a soda, Best friend will pour theirs on you.

Good friend will give you umbrella when it rains, Best friend will snatch yours and say "run .. run.. "

Good friend will bail you out of jail, best friend will be sitting next to you in the jail and say "lets do this again"

Good friend will leave you behind if that's what whole crowd is doing. Best friend will kick the whole crowd that has left you.

When you are sad good friend will come and say " I know how you are feeling", while best friend will sit besides you and cry.

Good friend will advice you, but a best friend will help you out.

P.S. This post is written as a part of Leo's Z-A writing challenge for the month of November.. for other posts visit this link