I will survive !
By the time I was 15, I pondered a lot about love, romance and relationships. My family was a disturbed family and I was mostly alone at home. My father always abused my mom and used to hit her. I couldn't take this anymore when I reached junior high school.
It was the first time I saw her. She had a beautiful long hair, she looked very innocent. I was attracted to her the very first moment and the feelings came out natural. I don't know if they were right, I don't know if this should have happened .... There were many questions appearing in front of me but I slowly started walking towards her. No matter how we are to the outside world, but from inside everyone craves for romance and love. My imagination and attraction towards her were drawing my heart to a place which is not very normal for everyone. I slowly approached her and greeted her "Hi, you look sort of ... lost here!".
"Yeah!" she said. "Could you help me to find out my classroom? I am new here."
This is how we got introduced and turns out that she was in my class. Her name was Ashley. She was very sweet like a rose and charming. It took no time for me to get close to her and be her friend on the first day of my school. We started getting to know each other well. We took same classes, had lunch together and spent most of the time together.
Our final exams were due next week. She was behaving very differently with me. I tried to call her many times but she would never pick up her phone. I was more curious now to find out what's going on. Two days passed by and I couldn't take it anymore and I went to her home. She was very upset. Her parents were getting divorced. She never wanted to stay away from them. But few things were not in her hands. She was very happy to see me. She hugged me and cried a lot. I felt sorry for her. I just told her that she should be happy that instead of fighting with each other and physically abusing they are going to part away. This is many times better than what I saw in my childhood. She sort of understood but it was hard for her that very moment. I told her that I would come with my books next day and we should start studying seriously. She nodded her head. I felt like I should take the responsibility of her and protect her from any further damage. I don't know whether this was love, attraction or anything. But by the end of this week, I had the courage to tell myself that I am in love with Ashley!
I winked my eyes, pinched myself to make sure its not a dream. But I didn't want to say anything to her until our exams were over. On the last day of our exam, I managed to gather my guts and went near her. I kissed her on her lips and hugged her. Then I told her "Ashley, I think I am in love with you."
But she was shocked. 'What?? What's wrong with you? Do you think I am that kind of girl?".
"I just thought you were my very good friend, nothing else. I am not GAY !!! JEZZZZZZZ"
Yes, everyone that was the time I found out that I am GAY and I walked up with courage to someone in order to lead a better life.
"But I care about you. I love you and will support you throughout my life" I cried.
But alas as you might be guessing now, I was humiliated enough throughout my high school for being a gay. Well, my first love never happened. But I haven't lost hope. I know I will survive through this phase and will find a love of my life.
P.S. This post is a tribute to LGBT day !
Posted by RaNiiiiii at Sunday, June 30, 2013